Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
