Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
