I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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