thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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