There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
