My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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