Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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