This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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