White coat. Heels.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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