thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what day is it and did you see me today?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
