New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
