i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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