Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
