Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
