I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
