you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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