Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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