She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
