I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
