you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
