Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
