If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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