I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
