I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
