oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
