On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
