somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize