the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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