So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
