I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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