whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
