I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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