I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
