im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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