just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
