Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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