he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
