The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
