that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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