even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
