he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize