So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
