yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
