we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
