So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
