I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
