i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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