It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize