this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
