I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you had me at cake vodka
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
