God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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