omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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