i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
