its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
