So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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