Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
