I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
