don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
