Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
