singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
