We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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