Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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