I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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