2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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