This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
