you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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