i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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