I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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