if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
