i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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