You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize